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When Pete and I fell in love, my family shifted, and resettled. But the new, big family also brought newer, bigger responsibilities. When I have the space to think of Pete, I miss him, because there are so many of us in this marriage. I become the person motherhood separates me from. As a mother I have to pretend to be the person I really am not: patient, hygienic, gentle, good at craft, moderate, rarely anxious, never depressed. At least, get an alarm clock and take phones out of the bedroom. In my 20s, I lived on a Texas ranch and knew a cowboy called Powder who was deeply loved by his wife, Janey. Just being alone with Pete, drinking coffee and nothing else, is a deep pleasure. By the time Lester, is eight months old, Pete and I are in danger of seeing one another only as caregivers, of failing to even see one another at all.

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